dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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