i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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