Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
