I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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