i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
