i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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