tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
