All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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