checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
