Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
