can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
