party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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