I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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