I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
