Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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