Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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