i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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