I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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