He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
sex in a hospital.. check
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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