peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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