2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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