you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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