I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
