I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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