You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
