So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
