we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
love makes seman taste better
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
