you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
