Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
