She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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