plz talk dirty to me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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