ugly people sure do ruin things
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
