no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
