My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
