Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
