So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
