I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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