Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
