she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
