I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
