i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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