NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
