Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
