i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
