I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
