My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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