yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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