so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
