come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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