I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
