From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
