I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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