I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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