i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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